Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

The Ultimate Law School Purity Test

Score one point for a "yes" answer to each of the following:

I. The Basics

1. Have you ever taken the LSAT?
2. ...more than once?
3. ...more than twice?
4. Have you ever filled out a law school application form?
5. ...more than five of them?
6. ...more than ten?
7. ...more than twenty?
8. Have you ever stepped foot on a law school campus?
9. ...taken a tour?
10. ...asked a question specifically about the library?
11. Are or were you ever a law school student?
12. an accredited university?
13. more than one law school?
14. the same time?

II. Classes

15. Have you ever missed a class?
16. ...more than half the classes in a semester?
17. ...all the classes in the semester but you still took the exam?
18. ...did you pass?
19. Have you ever chosen a class for an academically-impure reason?
20. what time it met?
21. ...or what kind of exam it had?
22. Have you taken a class with the title "Law and..." ?
23. ...did you choose it because it sounded easy?
24. Do you know what the socratic method is?
25. ...have you ever been called on?
26. ...when you hadn't done the reading?
27. ...and you faked in pretty well anyway?
28. Have you ever cheated on a law school exam?
29. using prohibited materials, like the Internet?
30. consulting a live human being?
31. obtaining a copy of the exam beforehand?
32. ...was it a legal ethics or professional responsibility exam?
33. ...did you get caught?
34. Do you know what a "gunner" is?
35. ...have you ever been one?
36. Have you ever gone down to talk to a professor at the end of a class?
37. ...more times than not?
38. Have you ever gone to office hours?
39. ...specifically to suck up to the professor?
40. Have you ever volunteered to be the student who hands in the course evaluations?
41. ...or some other similarly unnecessary duty just to curry favor?

III. Interpersonal Academic Relations

42. Have you ever borrowed notes from a classmate?
43. ...and not returned the favor when he or she asked?
44. Have you ever deliberately changed ("dumb-ified") your notes when a classmate asked for them?
45. Have you ever stolen a book from the library?
46. ...ripped pages out of a book in the library?
47. ...hidden a book somewhere it didn't belong to keep other people from finding it?
48. ...checked the book out and ignored the recall notice?
49. ...checked the book out on someone else's card and ignored the recall notice?
50. Have you ever given someone a wrong answer to a question on purpose?
51. Have you ever been part of a study group?
52. ...did you organize the study group?
53. ...did you ever kick someone else out for not pulling his or her weight?
54. ...did you just do it to get someone else's outline?
55. ...did they do better than you anyway in the class?
56. ...did you ever have a meeting that lasted more than 12 hours straight?
57. ...more than 24 hours?

IV. Interpersonal Non-Academic Relations

58. Have you ever gone on a date with a fellow law student?
59. your section?
60. Have you ever made out in the library?
61. a classroom?
62. ...during class?
63. ...while being called on by a professor?
64. Have you ever made out with a professor?
65. a dorm room?
66. ...the week before the exam with the express intent of finding out the questions?
67. ...did it work?

V. Dorky Things To Do

68. Have you ever used Lexis or Westlaw?
69. Have you ever bought anything with Lexis or Westlaw points?
70. ...something really cool, like a TV?
71. Have you ever won a Lexis or Westlaw contest?
72. Have you ever taken any extra Lexis or Westlaw training just to win points?
73. ...just for fun?
74. Did you sign up for Bar-Bri as a 1L?
75. ...did you go to any of their 1L "review" lectures?
76. Did you buy any pre-law-school books before law school?
77. ...more than five?
78. ...were any of them "study guides" like "Getting to Maybe" ?
79. Have you ever listened to any law-school-related cassette tapes?
80. ...are you too embarassed to admit it to anyone?

VI. The Recruiting Process

81. Have you ever interviewed with a law firm?
82. ...more than fifty of them?
83. Did you ever get a callback?
84. On your callback, did the firm pay for your flight and/or hotel?
85. ...did you bill them for meals?
86. ...meals your friends ate?
87. ...meals no one ate but you just wanted the money?
88. Did you ever get an offer?
89. ...more than five?
90. Did you make the firm wait before you accepted just because you could?
91. ...more than two firms?
92. Did you lie on your resume?
93. ...on your transcript?
94. ...about something serious?
95. ...did you get caught?

VII. Finally...

96. Have you ever worked for a law firm?
97. ...did you like it?
98. ...did you love it?
99. there nothing else you'd rather do in the world?
100. ...but you'll be a lawyer anyway? :)

Count up the number of "yes" answers and subtract from 100. This is your law school purity percentage.

80%-100% -- Are you sure you're a law student?
60%-80% -- Nothing to be ashamed of
40%-60% -- I hear white-collar prison isn't too bad
0% - 40% -- I want you to be my defense attorney