Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

One of my fellow summer associates (thanks Andrew) e-mailed me an idea for a post about how awkward it is to see the lawyers in the bathroom. It's hard enough to come up with things to say to them when you see them normally; but at the urinal? "How's the summer going," they ask. "It'll be going a lot better in three minutes when I finish up in here, actually." The bathroom on my floor has 2 urinals and 2 stalls. There's no partition between the urinals. I don't know why. They can afford it. I mean, they have TV in the elevators; surely they can afford a partition between the urinals. So I've noticed it's about a 50/50 split whether, if you're at one urinal, if someone will come over and use the other one, or just use a stall. I wonder if it's a specific kind of person who uses the other urinal. Timid people don't. Timid people go to the stall, lock it, and don't come out until 5:30. No, really. I would never go use the other urinal if the first one is occupied. It's uncomfortable. They're too close together. I saw one guy not wash his hands on the way out. What do you say to a partner who doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom? Especially if he notices you, says we haven't met, and reaches out his hand to shake. "Oh, no, uh, I think we met before. Remember, I was in the elevator bank, and you were dripping with pee. Remember?" Some of the lawyers, mostly just in my imagination, bring their cell phones in with them, to continue their phone calls with clients. "What's that sound? I'm on vacation by a waterfall. Doing work. Yeah. Doing work by the waterfall. Oh, the other sound? Cliff diving. There I go. Splash. Avalanche. Here they fall. They're all coming down. That other sound? I'm squeezing through a narrow opening. Sorry. That other sound? I don't hear anything. Sorry. Must be on your end." We have billing codes for this stuff. 991 and 992. You know the difference between the 1 and the 2. Forgive me. Potty humor is cheap. I'm sorry. Wasn't my idea. :)