Continuing this absurd theme (see below)... The World's Third Worst Cover Letter:

December 1, 2002

Shearman and Sterling
New York, NY 10012

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a first-year law student at Harvard Law School, and I am not interested in a summer internship with your firm. Not interested at all. I am simply seeking to inquire -- just out of curiousity -- what kinds of things you might be looking for from people who ARE interested in a summer internship. I don't mean me. Like I already said.

For example, would telling you about how I spent last summer working for the Department of Justice and earning a Presidential Medal of Honor help me get a summer internship, if I wanted one? Or would that be of relatively little importance compared to my award from the American Bar Association for dedicated service to the legal profession following my initiation while in college of a class action lawsuit on behalf of four million citizens injured by the plastic caps on soda bottles, resulting in a $16 million settlement and a feature article in the New York Times Magazine. How about my 4.2 GPA at Yale? My gold medal in the Luge event at the recent Winter Olympics? My Nobel Peace Prize?

How about the fact that my father is a partner at your firm? Would that help me?

Again, I'm not interested in a summer internship at your firm. But I just thought I'd check whether or not my past experiences might help me -- if I ever was interested. I'm available for an interview Tuesday afternoon. Give me a call.