At the end of Civil Procedure today, the class presented the professor with a monogrammed bathrobe and a set of shower accessories -- he had said at the end of class one day that class had been so stimulating that he needed to go home and take a shower. This is a 70-year-old man, by the way. So his response to the gift was "this is something my wife and I will enjoy. Perhaps together." In that spirit, I present a very disturbing Top 5 list of other things he meant to say. (I apologize that without some Civil Procedure knowledge, this isn't that funny).

5. "For all the places my Long Arm can't reach!"
4. "This soap smells just like my arthritis cream."
3. "I can use it to wash my Hanson and my Denckla."
2. "This will allow my wife and I to engage in some new forms of Discovery."
1. "This soap will help me clean my most personal jurisdiction of them all!"