I'm in the law school's parody show, which starts tomorrow. It has inspired me to write some song parodies geared more towards performing on stage on general than to law school... but I hope you enjoy anyway...

To the tune of Billy Joel's "Piano Man"

It's halfway through
One more endless scene
The dialogue's dragging along
Yet there's one quick fix in the bag of tricks
Let's just all sing a meaningless song

The actor here
On the left of me
Was clearly not cast for his voice
But he wanted a song, though the notes will sound wrong
He's the last one left, so we've no choice

Sing us a song, you're the soloist
For this number that's just filling space
We know that you've come for a musical
Here's some music that's in the wrong place

Now the techie backstage had my microphone
But she got the clip caught on a light
Now I'm screaming as loud as my voice can get
But I know you can't hear me tonight

I said techie, I need a replacement mike
Ought there be something extra around
She said I just do props, and some costuming
I don't know what to do about sound

Sing us a song, you're the soloist
For this number that's really a waste
We know that you've come for a musical
And we know this scene should be replaced

Now sometimes a cast isn't big enough
But clearly that's not what's wrong here
So to give us a chance to let everyone dance
There'll be three songs you wished disappear

There are characters we need to parody
But when scenes start to build up too long
There is only one way that the crowd's gonna stay
And that's just if we give them a song

So sing us a song, you're the soloist
For this song where the singers won't blend
We know that you've come for a musical
But I bet you thought soon it would end

Oh, sing us a song, you're the soloist
For this number that's killing the band
We'll be done in a moment, but humor us
With some laughter, and clapping your hand

Sing us a song, you're the soloist
One more chorus and then we'll move on
To the next random tune we wrote this afternoon
But by then all the crowd will be gone...


[to the tune of REM's "Losing My Religion"]


"Leaving my Rehearsal"


Oh, Lord, it's later
It's later than they
Said I'd be here
The times rehearsal goes to
To run this scene once more
Oh no we screwed it up
We start again


That's me in the doorway
That's me out the window
Leaving my rehearsal
Trying to sneak out the door
But I don't know if I can do it
Oh no the dance was wrong
We'll run it six more times
I thought this was till 11
I thought we would start at 8
I think I thought that I'd get fed


Every evening
Every waking hour
I'm leaving for rehearsal
Trying to read in times between
But the band is loud and lights dark
Oh no I missed my line
We start again


Consider this, consider this
The payback for our sins
Consider this
A dream, a nightmare of a dream
Stuck here
What if these notes we get, he'll
Just change his mind
We've been here
Too long
I thought this was till 11
I thought we would start at 8
I think I thought that I'd get fed


And who said run the scene
Once, twice, thrice, why?
Who said run the scene, run the scene, run the scene, scene

To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

They hung the lights
Built the set
The microphones
Are on the stage


From cue to cue
What's the line?
This light is wrong
Redo design


How long, how long, how long we'll go
How long, how long, how long


Listen to the techies screaming
Actors on stage, are daydreaming
Broken spotlight, won't stop beaming
Burning speakers, could be steaming
Oh the light tower, please don't climb now
Run the last line, one more time now
Yeah! Hey! Hey!


I broke the leg, off a chair
I lost a prop but I don't care
Unscrewed a bolt, what the hell
I laughed when all the towers fell


How long, how long, how long we'll go
How long, how long, how long


Listen to the techies screaming
Actors on stage, are daydreaming
Broken spotlight, won't stop beaming
Burning speakers, could be steaming
Oh the light tower, please don't climb now
Run the last line, one more time now
Yeah! Hey! Hey!


And I forget, what's my cue
I should have brought some work to do
You think they'll care I broke the stage
You think we'll ever turn the page?


How long, how long, how long we'll go
How long, how long, how long


Listen to the techies screaming
Actors on stage, are daydreaming
Broken spotlight, won't stop beaming
Burning speakers, could be steaming
Oh the light tower, please don't climb now
Run the last line, one more time now
It's a spotlight
Broken spotlight
Shining spotlight
Falling spotlight
One less spotlight...