“Happy Passover. Here’s some raisins.”

I thought I’d devote a few hundred words to mentioning the cafeteria’s ridiculous Passover provisions this week: a table with matzoh, beets, raisins, and hardboiled eggs for 29 cents an ounce. Because if there were ever 4 ingredients you could put together to make a nourishing and delicious meal, it’s matzoh, beets, raisins, and hardboiled eggs. Could they come up with nothing else that’s got no bread in it? Are raisins and beets really traditional Jewish foods? I mean, it wasn’t ham, but still. And, even more absurd, how did they decorate the Passover table? Wrapped in a napkin, a big loaf of challah. That’s bread, for the unfamiliar. Exactly what we can’t eat on Passover. But it’s Jewish, so it’s good enough. Maybe they should have thrown a Torah on the table too. Because that’s Jewish. And some foreskin. Bread is absolutely the last thing that ought to be decorating the Passover table. You would think they would have realized that when they were having trouble finding the challah at the supermarket. One employee, at the supermarket: “Okay, I’ve got the beets and the raisins. Have you found the challah yet?” Other guy: “No, I don’t see it anywhere. It’s not in the aisle with the matzoh and the fourteen flavors of macaroons.” “Come on, it’s got to be here somewhere. Look for some dude not eating pork. He’ll know.” “Let’s just go to the Italian bakery and get one.” “Good idea.”