What if professors only got tenure if lots of students signed up for their courses? Might they sing a song like this?

To the tune of "Be Our Guest" from "Beauty and the Beast"

"Choose my Class"

Choose my class!
Choose my class!
And I promise you will pass
Large enrollments get me tenure, please
Oh it'll be a gas

Come sign up
Here I am
And I'll cancel the exam
Skip the plaintiffs
And defendants
I won't even take attendance

I will dance
I will sing
For the stuff tenure will bring
So please come and help me reach critical mass

Go on and rank my course
I promise no remorse
Choose my class!
Choose my class!
Choose my class!

Want free food?
And free beer?
You sign up, I'll have them here
Need a break? I can make
Required readings disappear

I want you
And your friends
All before the sign-up ends
Won't be gloomy, no complaining
Cancel classes when it's raining

I tell jokes
I do tricks
Won't you help me with this fix
I need monster-sized enrollment
So I stay

And when I call on you
I don't care what you do
Choose my class!
And you'll pass
All the students I'll amass
Choose my class!
Choose my class!
Choose my class!