Five New Slogans and Promotions from the New York City Public Transportation System Marketing Department

1. "No shirt? No shoes? Welcome!"
2. "Contract one disease, get the second one free"
3. "I Can't Believe it's Not Bleeding!"
4. "On the subway, Early in the morning is now Surly in the morning"
5. "Forget the low-fat sandwiches. *Our* subway diet is rats and vermin."