Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

I promised something funny, to make up for the not so funny post about final exams below. Instead of funny, how about completely random? Like this sketch about a ball of dust I found under my bed while I was studying for exams (ok, not really, but I have to at least try to make this relevant, right?)

DUST: A completely random sketch that might be funny

(scene opens on a dorm room. Bed and desk. Jeremy is sitting at his desk, studying.)

Jeremy: Stupid Evidence final tomorrow. (he slams the book closed) I wish there were no laws.

(an actor in a big round gray costume emerges from under the bed. he is a ball of dust. he dusts himself off. ha. he slowly sneaks up behind Jeremy, and taps him on the shoulder, very carefully. Jeremy turns around.)

Jeremy (startled, screaming): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dust: Calm down, dude.

Jeremy (scared): Who...What are you?

Dust: I'm a ball of dust. From under your bed.

Jeremy: What? What do you want?

Dust: Well, you haven't vacuumed or cleaned all year. And that's great. You know, so I don't die. So I figured I'd say thanks.

Jeremy: Uh... Okay...

Dust: And I heard you complaining about your Evidence final, and thought I might be able to help.

Jeremy: Are you a lawyer?

Dust: No. I'm a ball of dust. But still. Are you a lawyer?

Jeremy: No.

Dust: So what's the difference. Besides, the guy who roomed here last year took the same class and he was real smart. And he never cleaned either. Filthy humans. (Dust reaches inside himself and pulls out a sheet of crumpled paper) Just use his outline and you'll be fine.

(Jeremy grabs the sheet of paper from Dust)

Jeremy: Thanks dude. This is awesome. Hey, can you help me with my Environmental Law final too?

Dust: No, but I've got a friend who can.

(Environmental Law Dust, who looks kind of like a cloud of air pollution, emerges from under the bed)

Environmental Law Dust: I'm illegal in 49 states. But they don't care in Texas.

Jeremy: Do you know environmental law?

Environmental Law Dust: No, but I can give you asthma.

Jeremy: Close enough!

Environmental Law: I figured. Can I go to the bathroom?

Jeremy: Sure.

Environmental Law: Don't worry, it'll be non-toxic. I'm environmentally-friendly. No hazardous waste coming out of me.

Jeremy: Great. Hey, are there any more dusts under there?

(Registrar Dust comes out from under the bed)

Registrar Dust: I'm Registrar Dust. I can help you choose classes.

(Student Loans Dust comes out from under the bed)

Student Loans Dust: I'm Student Loans Dust. After law school, your net worth looks just like me: completely turned to dust! Ha ha ha!

Jeremy: Maybe I should vacuum.

All the dusts scream: Noooo!

[The end. Don't say I didn't warn you this was random...]