I just happened to be looking at a can of Glade air freshener, and it says for questions and concerns, call an 800 number "or write Helen Johnson." Now who is this Helen Johnson woman, and (1) don't you think it's a bit overwhelming to place all of the burdens of answering people's air freshener concerns on one person? and (2) what if she quits? Also, I noticed that Glade is made by the SC Johnson Company. So is it possible that Helen Johnson is in fact the loser family member who, instead of getting to run her own product line, or fly in the corporate jet, or make new air freshener scents whenever she gets so inspired, is forced to answer consumer mail? Isn't that a little insulting to poor Helen? Or, is it possible, and I think this is the most likely truth, that there is no "Helen Johnson" but the marketing folks over at Glade think it'll make the naive American public feel better if they think they're writing to a person and not a corporate bureaucracy where it's not the lovely and delightful Helen, but 17-year-old summer intern Spike who's answering their mail.

(See all the inspiration for posts I can squeeze out of my summer job?)