Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Sunday, June 15, 2003

Uncensored: A Clip from Career Services' Career Counselor Training Video

NARRATOR: ...and that's how to look like you're carefully analyzing a student's resume when in fact you're just watching the second hand move around and around the clock. Our next unit: how to handle "difficult" situations. Watch this:

(A student enters the career counselor's office. The counselor sees him and quickly hides the bottle of rum she's drinking from in her desk drawer.)

COUNSELOR: How may I help you, young man? Are you looking to get your resume reviewed?

STUDENT: No, not really. I'm a 1L, and I had some questions about summer jobs.

COUNSELOR: It can be hard to get a summer job at a firm, I know. Firms are reluctant to hire 1Ls because they fear you'll just go elsewhere 2L summer, and they will have wasted all of that money. You may want to look at smaller firms, or firms in cities beyond the traditional ones. But keep plugging away and there's a good chance you'll find something.

STUDENT: Thanks, I understand all that. But I had a question about stuff that isn't necessarily at a firm.

COUNSELOR: Not at a firm? What do you mean? Do you mean at a smaller boutique firm?

STUDENT: Well, no. I mean something where the legal education is helpful, but it's not necessarily a law job -- like in government, or in business.

COUNSELOR: Not a firm?


COUNSELOR: How many firms have you sent resumes to? Maybe you're just not looking hard enough.


COUNSELOR: Well that would explain it.

STUDENT: No, I don't want to work at a firm.

COUNSELOR: Have you tried Nashville? That's a medium-sized market with firms that often hire 1Ls.

STUDENT: No, you're not really listening. I don't want to work at a firm, and I was wondering if you had any resources for jobs that aren't at firms.

COUNSELOR: We do have a binder listing all of the firms that have hired 1Ls in the past.

STUDENT: But I'm not looking for a firm.

COUNSELOR: How you tried the website firm directory?

STUDENT: Not looking for a firm.

COUNSELOR: What about our law firm summer evaluation database?

STUDENT: Don't want a firm job.

COUNSELOR: We have some firm listings online.

STUDENT: You don't understand. I don't want to work at a law firm this summer. Is there anyone who can help me find something else?

COUNSELOR: Wait. Are you saying you don't want to work at a law firm?

STUDENT: Correct.

COUNSELOR: You do realize how much money they make, right?


COUNSELOR: Are you on any medications?


COUNSELOR: Under the care of a mental health professional?


COUNSELOR: I think your best place to turn might be the mental health clinic.

STUDENT: I'm not crazy. I just don't want to work at a firm.

COUNSELOR: We can fix that.

STUDENT: I don't want to be "fixed." I just want to do something more in line with my interests and passions.

COUNSELOR: A few pills, maybe a lobotomy, and you'll be all set.

STUDENT: Just looking for job leads.

COUNSELOR: Electroshock therapy, hypnosis, lithium...

STUDENT: Please. Just some job ideas. That's all I want.

COUNSELOR: Just some job leads?


COUNSELOR: Not at a law firm?

STUDENT: Correct.

COUNSELOR: Are you suicidal?


COUNSELOR: Okay. I think I understand. You want help finding a job, but not a job at a law firm.

STUDENT: That's right.

COUNSELOR: But you haven't been to our mental health clinic?


COUNSELOR: Well, I really think that should be your first step.

STUDENT: We just went over this. I'm not crazy.

COUNSELOR: Maybe, maybe not. But even if you're not, and that's a big "if," most anyone else who doesn't want a firm job surely is.


COUNSELOR: And so the mental health clinic is going to have the best ideas for you -- from all of the people who've been through there before. They'll know what kinds of jobs "people like you" tend to be able to find.

STUDENT: People like me?

COUNSELOR: Yes. People who don't want to work for a firm. Crazy people. I mean people like you.

STUDENT: So the mental health people are the only ones who would know of jobs not at law firms.


STUDENT: So even if I'm not crazy, I should go there.


STUDENT: And they'll give me job leads.

COUNSELOR: And some prescriptions that'll help you out.

STUDENT: But job leads too.


STUDENT: Thanks for your help.

NARRATOR: And that, as you could tell, is how to deal with students who are mentally ill. Up next, we'll show you how to deal with students looking to choose between navy suits and gray suits...