Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Friday, July 11, 2003

Attention summer associates! Working too hard and/or time billed at too high a rate to justify writing an e-mail to your friends letting them know how your summer is going? Then you need the summer update letter-o-rama. Just choose one from each set of bracketed terms in the template below, and you'll have fulfilled the burdens of summer contact without the work.

Dear [Friend / Classmate / Person I continue to e-mail only because someday you may be able to help me in my career]:

I'm having a great time here in [New York / DC / Farm Country] working for [Skadden / Cravath / "a great law firm"]. Of course, the pay has been great, as expected -- [$2500 / $2400 / $2600] a week, in case I hadn't already told you a bunch of times -- but what's really surprised me has been the [free food / free events / free office supplies]. Every day, a partner takes me out to a new [restaurant / strip club / body of water filled with dead animals poisoned by the toxic chemicals my firm has allowed one of its clients to continue dumping]. They're really trying to [impress / fool] me into thinking this is a great place to work. On one of my projects, I got to work with the [hip, young / wise, veteran / only minority] attorney in the office -- a real treat! We stayed up well into the night chatting about life, law school, and [his crack habit / her gobs of disposable income / the friends and hobbies he used to have]. I really think this could be the place for me -- it's like meeting a girl. One look at her [unlimited expense accounts / killer business cards / prestigious address] and you know it's right. I'm working right now on my dream project -- trying to help a company [evade taxes / avoid giving its workers health benefits / screw pretty much everyone on the planet in more ways than I can count]. I'm really trying to impress the [hip, young / wise, veteran / only minority] partner -- I think she's the key to my ultimate offer at the end of the summer. Anyway, just wanted to drop you a line. I [couldn't care less if / really don't care if / am completely uninterested in whether] you're having a great summer too -- drop me an e-mail and let me know [if you're making as much money as me / if your office is as nice as mine / if you've finally lost that pesky conscience that's always getting in your way] and we'll grab coffee [sometime next week / sometime next summer / not until you can help my career in some obvious and clear-cut way]. Enjoy [New York / DC / the back woods] and be sure [to watch out for ticks / to deposit your paychecks before your firm goes bankrupt / to check the to: field of your e-mail for heaven's sake!!].

Your [friend / classmate / occasional correspondent who you know just e-mails you so that one day you can help his career],