"My first thirty minutes back on campus: a very, very, very detailed description"
[Ed. note: Exact times are merely approximations. There is no way the author did all of this in thirty minutes. But he wrote the title of this piece before he wrote the column, so he’s kind of forced himself into a structure and will feel like he’s failed if he doesn’t get something out of this. So just play along.]
Wednesday, 2:12 PM. Back on campus. The campus looks pretty much the same. New bricks in front of the student center. I heard someone call it a “plaza.” Just looked like new bricks to me. My first stop when I got back was Three Aces, the local pizza place, to see if they’d finished making the turkey sub I ordered back in May. There was another guy there waiting for the pizza he ordered last winter. Why does it take them so long to slice open a piece of bread and put some lettuce inside? This isn’t really a twenty-minute task. Good thing they don’t have eight-hour take-home exams here. They’d never finish.
Wednesday, 2:19 PM. To the bookstore, to buy my books. I've already written my shtick on buying books yesterday, so you can check that out below.
Wednesday, 2:32 PM. To the course packet distribution center, to say hello to hunched-over man and elderly woman, the two people I’ve noticed who work there all the time. I asked if there was a list of courses with packets. They said there was no list, but I should just tell him all of my courses. Three of the four had packets. Amazingly, two of the three packets I were given are the correct ones. I didn’t notice one was wrong until I got outside. I now have a super-secret copy of the syllabus for “Seminar on Wills and Trusts.” Shhh. Don’t tell anyone.
Wednesday, 2:32:30 PM. To the Office of Career Services, to pick up the resume I had them take a look at. They cut all of my pronouns, and the words “the” and “a.” This bothers. Me. Because now all sentences look not as English is first language of me. If me legal employer read resume, me no want see sentence bad. Me want sentence friendly good. Honestly, I’m a bit perplexed by this. In response, I plan on adding extra pronouns and resubmitting. “I am serving as a subciter, and on some articles, I am serving as the only subciter, for the Harvard Journal on blah blah blah, which is the biggest, or I think it is perhaps the third biggest, journal on the Harvard the campus, at least that I know of. I the the the I.” The reader also told me to “justify dates and locations.” I thought just mentioning them was enough. I didn’t realize I needed to justify them.
Wednesday, 2:32:45:30:62:45:03:24 PM. To a small room in the basement to pick up a form for a locker. They should put pens by the forms to save me a second trip. But they didn’t. The room to pick up these forms is in the tunnels under the law school right by a bathroom with a security code (don't steal the toilet paper!). Wouldn’t it be funny if my locker code ends up being the same as the bathroom code? These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
Wednesday, 2:37 PM. To the library, to check my e-mail. I got an e-mail saying my resume was ready for pickup at career services. Thanks.
Wednesday, 2:41 PM. To my student mailbox. All summer, and only three pieces of mail. I’m invited to a Public Interest reception! Wow! I feel so special! (I would feel more special if I didn’t see the same invitation in everyone else’s mailbox.)
Wednesday, 2:41:30 PM. Back to Three Aces, to see if that turkey sub would finally be ready.
Wednesday, 2:41:45 PM. “Oh, hi! How was your summer? Good, good. Yeah, mine too. Yeah, too fast. Yeah, excited to be back. Yeah, noticed the new plaza outside the student center. Yeah, could have bought some crack with the money I spent on textbooks. Yeah, career services, resume, yeah. Yeah, distribution center. Oh, you got invited to the Public Interest reception too? Cool. Yeah, street people in Harvard Square. No, my turkey sub isn’t ready either.”
Wednesday, 2:42 PM. Boy, that was quite a busy half hour.
[Ed. note: Exact times are merely approximations. There is no way the author did all of this in thirty minutes. But he wrote the title of this piece before he wrote the column, so he’s kind of forced himself into a structure and will feel like he’s failed if he doesn’t get something out of this. So just play along.]
Wednesday, 2:12 PM. Back on campus. The campus looks pretty much the same. New bricks in front of the student center. I heard someone call it a “plaza.” Just looked like new bricks to me. My first stop when I got back was Three Aces, the local pizza place, to see if they’d finished making the turkey sub I ordered back in May. There was another guy there waiting for the pizza he ordered last winter. Why does it take them so long to slice open a piece of bread and put some lettuce inside? This isn’t really a twenty-minute task. Good thing they don’t have eight-hour take-home exams here. They’d never finish.
Wednesday, 2:19 PM. To the bookstore, to buy my books. I've already written my shtick on buying books yesterday, so you can check that out below.
Wednesday, 2:32 PM. To the course packet distribution center, to say hello to hunched-over man and elderly woman, the two people I’ve noticed who work there all the time. I asked if there was a list of courses with packets. They said there was no list, but I should just tell him all of my courses. Three of the four had packets. Amazingly, two of the three packets I were given are the correct ones. I didn’t notice one was wrong until I got outside. I now have a super-secret copy of the syllabus for “Seminar on Wills and Trusts.” Shhh. Don’t tell anyone.
Wednesday, 2:32:30 PM. To the Office of Career Services, to pick up the resume I had them take a look at. They cut all of my pronouns, and the words “the” and “a.” This bothers. Me. Because now all sentences look not as English is first language of me. If me legal employer read resume, me no want see sentence bad. Me want sentence friendly good. Honestly, I’m a bit perplexed by this. In response, I plan on adding extra pronouns and resubmitting. “I am serving as a subciter, and on some articles, I am serving as the only subciter, for the Harvard Journal on blah blah blah, which is the biggest, or I think it is perhaps the third biggest, journal on the Harvard the campus, at least that I know of. I the the the I.” The reader also told me to “justify dates and locations.” I thought just mentioning them was enough. I didn’t realize I needed to justify them.
Wednesday, 2:32:45:30:62:45:03:24 PM. To a small room in the basement to pick up a form for a locker. They should put pens by the forms to save me a second trip. But they didn’t. The room to pick up these forms is in the tunnels under the law school right by a bathroom with a security code (don't steal the toilet paper!). Wouldn’t it be funny if my locker code ends up being the same as the bathroom code? These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
Wednesday, 2:37 PM. To the library, to check my e-mail. I got an e-mail saying my resume was ready for pickup at career services. Thanks.
Wednesday, 2:41 PM. To my student mailbox. All summer, and only three pieces of mail. I’m invited to a Public Interest reception! Wow! I feel so special! (I would feel more special if I didn’t see the same invitation in everyone else’s mailbox.)
Wednesday, 2:41:30 PM. Back to Three Aces, to see if that turkey sub would finally be ready.
Wednesday, 2:41:45 PM. “Oh, hi! How was your summer? Good, good. Yeah, mine too. Yeah, too fast. Yeah, excited to be back. Yeah, noticed the new plaza outside the student center. Yeah, could have bought some crack with the money I spent on textbooks. Yeah, career services, resume, yeah. Yeah, distribution center. Oh, you got invited to the Public Interest reception too? Cool. Yeah, street people in Harvard Square. No, my turkey sub isn’t ready either.”
Wednesday, 2:42 PM. Boy, that was quite a busy half hour.
posted by Anonymous @ 11:31 AM
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