Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Got some reading to do? And just an hour to do it? Then you need the Insta-Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser. The Insta-Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser removes the following words from your casebook:

Court, precedent, statute, legislature, justice, judge, "your honor," law, laws, legal, illegal, legality, illegality, the letter "l," all Latin words, three-pronged test, dissent, appeal, appellate, obligation under the law, although, despite, because, all sentences longer than 10 words, all words longer than 10 letters, all paragraphs longer than 10 lines, all cases longer than 10 pages, all decisions by justices older than 10 years, all footnotes, all question marks and the questions that precede them, all parenthetical remarks, all case names, and, of course, the letter "v."

This reduces the typical 800-page casebook to a 4-page booklet, suitable for reading while on the toilet, eating a balanced breakfast, or on the way to your final exam. And, the makers of the Insta-Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser have a risk-free money-back guarantee. Score lower than an "F" on your exam, and your next Law-O-Matic Condensed Casebook is absolutely free (shipping and handling charges may apply).

Disclaimer: The Insta-Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser is not a substitute for reading your casebook. It is not approved by any ABA-licensed law schools, or any law school professors. It has not been approved for use in Canada. All warranties, express and implied, are waived when you purchase the product. Do not eat the Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser. And if you light it on fire, it will burn. Do not remove the tag on the end of the Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser under penalty of law. The small silica packet that accompanies the product is not food. Do not allow babies to play with plastic bags. Small parts of the Law-O-Matic Casebook Condenser may be swallowed, and that's no good at all.