Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Monday, October 06, 2003

I apologize for the fixation on the interview process. You'd think there's nothing else going on. I'm sure many of you don't want to keep reading interview humor day after day after day. I owe you something different, something completely different. My initial inclination was to talk about stuff we're doing in class. In Con Law we're talking about obscenity. But I'm worried that making a "10 things that are definitely obscene" list will not be in good taste. In Bankruptcy we're talking about discharge. Which, actually, is on my top 10 list of things that are definitely obscene. But aside from that is generally uninteresting. In my third course I forget what we're talking about.

Bottom of the 9th, A's-Red Sox as I type this. I'm rooting for the A's, making me the only person in the Boston area not rooting for the Red Sox. I like the A's. I had Tim Hudson on 6 of my 7 fantasy baseball teams. Although a Cubs-Red Sox "someone's breaking a long streak" world series would be pretty awesome. OK, that convinces me. Go Red Sox. Sort of. I'm rooting for extra innings. I want to see more game. Extra innings are cool.

OK, but what to write about. How's about a live diary of the bottom of the 9th inning of this game, hoping for a run to score so we go to extras. I'll try to be funny. No promises.

Batter 1: Scott Hatteberg. He walks. But really he ran. And the pinch-runner they put in, Eric Byrnes, ran too. It shouldn't be called a walk if they're gonna run. But I guess they can't call it a run. Because that's already taken.

Batter 2: Jose Guillen. The announcers are talking about whether Byrnes will steal second. That would be a pretty dumb risk to take 3 hours away from going home. Ball 1 to Guillen. Here comes the pitching coach, Dave Wallace. The announcers are filling time. Red Sox last won the world series in 1918, beating the Cubs. If Eric Byrnes gets picked off, he should be publicly flogged. Ball 2. Those fans are loud. It must suck to make the last out in a playoff series. Worse than getting called on in class and not knowing the answer. Duh. Ball 3. Oh please be exciting. Please please please. If there's a double play I'm going to be sad. No double play. No double play. 3-1. 3-2. Full count. Bad swing on that one. Don't get picked off, Eric Byrnes. "Anxious. Is that a word to describe the fans... said the announcer. Yes, it is. It is a word. Foul ball. Still 3-2. Shaky cameraman needs to take his pills. Ball 4. Yippee. Excitement builds.

Bye, bye pitcher Scott Williamson. Derek Lowe coming in. Closer-turned-starter. Oh, I like Derek Lowe. He was on my fantasy team last year, when he was super. I guess with 7 fantasy teams pretty much everyone either is or was once on my fantasy team though. It makes rooting hard when I want every player, hitter and pitcher, to do well. I bet he's nervous. A triple play here would be super-cool. Would almost make up for no extra innings.

Batter 3: Ramon Hernandez. Will he bunt? I don't think so. I'm first-guessing here. Trust me, I won't go back and rewrite this after he bunts home the tying run. From second base. That would be hard to do. Announcers like the word "ironic." They don't use it so well. Hernandez was once on my fantasy team. I'm sure someone on this field wasn't. But I haven't found him yet. Byrnes was. Guillen was. Bill Mueller at 3rd was not. I was wrong. He bunted. 2nd and 3rd, 1 out. A sacrifice fly ties the game.

Batter 4: Adam Melhuse. I'm surprised they're not intentionally walking him. Although the Mets lost a series in '99 I think when they walked the bases loaded in a tie game and Kenny Rogers walked in the winning run. 2-2. Don't strike out. Don't strike out. Don't strike out. Strike three. Man, that was just what the Red Sox needed. One out away.

The Boston infield is having a party on the mound. Maybe they want to teleconference someone else in, since not enough people are out there.

Batter 5: Chris Singleton. If he wins this game with a single, those headlines are already written. "Singleton's Single worth a Ton;" "Single by Singleton!" etc. 2-1. Lowe is a low-ball pitcher. Singleton needs a single. And the Red Sox wear red socks. Foul ball. Inches from the game being over. 2-2. "Bill Buckner anyone?" the announcer said. I bet Bill Buckner would give his right arm for someone to make that same error he did and so he would no longer have to deal with it. 3-2. Full count again. "Singleton, after making last out, is divorced by wife and is Single." That would be a tortured headline, I guess. Ball 4. Loaded bases. Wow. Red Sox manager Grady Little is a Little Gray. And worried.

Batter 6: Terrence Long. He used to be a Met, a long time ago. But was never on my fantasy team. Long is really not all that good. But I hope he does something here. Strike one. Uh oh. Ball one. Foul. One strike away. Uh oh. Wow. Strike three called. Game over.

That Red Sox-Yankees series coming up Wednesday is going to be a fun one. Apologies this really isn't that funny.