Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Thanks to Howard Bashman for the link, and for calling this the funniest current law student blog. I'll try to live up. Someone e-mailed me yesterday asking for advice. She wrote:

Maybe you could help me with a dilemma I'm having involving a lawyer [I work with]. The problem is that I have a secret crush on him, and while I'd first like to know if he's interested, the more important task is to come up with pick-up lines for lawyers or suggestive law office banter (beyond the obvious "hey, nice briefs"). I figured [you] might be able to offer up some funny suggestions.

An unusual challenge. Note that if I was making up this e-mail, I'd be wise to make up something that I felt more confident I could execute well. Nevertheless, here's the best I can do.

Ten Really Really Bad Pick-Up Lines For Lawyers

1. "I know a great way I could serve justice today... should I stop by your office?"
2. "Ow. You stepped on my foot. But I've got an idea for how you can mitigate your damages."
3. "I hear you give great oral... arguments." (predictable, i know)
4. "Is that a new cologne you're wearing? I like your dis-scent." (ooh, that one's really bad)
5. "I know a whole new de-position we could try" (huh?)
6. "I find you very appeal-ing" (thanks, howard)
7. "Before I went into law, I worked in restitution... uh, I mean prostitu-- you get the drift." (i'm terrible at this)
8. "I've got a one-pronged test we could try together."
9. "Meeting of the minds? Actually, I had some other parts in mind."
10. "I've heard what they say about guys with big foot... notes."

Two bonuses if it's bankruptcy law:

11. "You invite me over, and it'll be an automatic stay-the-night."
12. "Don't worry about that, it's just a strange discharge."