Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

UPN Shifts Garfield Mini-series to Cinemax

MENTOR, OHIO (AP) -- Barraged by accusations from conservatives that it was distorting the legacy of a president, UPN announced Tuesday it was pulling "The Garfields" miniseries off the air.

UPN insisted it was not bowing to pressure about portions of the script, but that the decision was made after seeing the finished film.

"Although the miniseries features impressive production values and acting performances (especially by star Drew Carey in his role as President Garfield), we believe it does not present a balanced portrayal of the Garfields for UPN and its audience of approximately eighteen viewers," the network said in a statement.

Supporters of the former president, who was shot while in office, and died four months later, are concerned the miniseries contains numerous inaccuracies.

Among the inaccuracies:

*The movie presents Garfield as still alive, and currently living in a suburb outside Detroit, set to turn 172 years old later this month.

*The United States does not, and did not in President Garfield's time, contain 74 states, including "West Dakota," "Arkolorado," "Old York," "Trout-land," and "Canada."

*President Garfield did not have three eyes.

*While President Garfield was indeed shot, and did indeed contract blood poisoning from the unsterilized fingers of upwards of a dozen doctors probing his wound and searching for the bullet, and these doctors did indeed turn a three-and-a-half inch wound into a twenty-inch canal of oozing pus, President Garfield's middle name was not Abraham, it was Abram.

*President Garfield did not have an addiction to Internet porn.

The former president's great-great-great-grandson, Wally Garfield, told UPN's "Good Morning Anyone Who Accidentally Left the TV on last night's 'Blind Date' episode and is just now waking up" on Tuesday that he wanted UPN to "show James Garfield for what he was: fairly inconsequential and merely a footnote in history."

"What they've done is try and strip the assassination of Garfield away," he said. "The great thing about my great-great-great-grandfather was his assassination."

"The Garfields" had been considered a major cog in UPN's November sweeps programming, along with its new reality-TV series, "The Bryants." It had been scheduled to air on Sunday -- UPN's most-watched night of the week, with an average of 46 viewers.

(In case you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, see this New York Times article about CBS pulling the Ronald Reagan miniseries. I'm trying to make fun of that situation. If you needed me to say that, I've probably failed miserably.)

P.S. I make fun of lawyers chasing after Staten Island Ferry crash victims over at En Banc.