Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walking home from our house Christmas Day,
And because her grandson is in law school,
Santa and the elves are gonna pay.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg-nog,
That's a fact we're gonna hide.
Though she forgot her medication,
It's Santa's fault that Grandma almost died.

When we found her Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack,
I said we'll get her Santa's workshop,
By next year he'll be living in a shack.

(chorus)

Now we're all so proud of Grampa,
He's the witness that we need,
Although he did not see what happened,
"Why, Santa's sleigh was off at quite a speed!"

It's not Christmas without Grandma,
We're all emotion'lly distressed,
On CNN, we're gathered watching,
As they all search for Santa to arrest.

(chorus)

I hear he's hired Johnnie Cochrane
He's gonna say the sleigh don't fit
But Santa left behind a reindeer
With Comet here, it's harder to acquit

Next year we'll be sitting pretty,
With a lien on Santa's sleigh
We're gonna let him stay in business
But we'll get our toys FIRST on Christmas Day.