Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Friday, December 05, 2003

When I was a kid, I had a book I think was called "Sniglets," or something like that. It was a fake dictionary for made-up words that ought to be the kinds of things they sounded like. I just did a yahoo search to check and find an example -- I'm right, it was called Sniglets -- for example (this isn't mine; it's from my yahoo search): Burgacide -- when a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals. Anyway, they generally weren't that funny but at least they were trying to be.

In that spirit, as I muddle my way through Con Law, I've been inspired to come up with some fake definitions for the names of parties in some cases we've seen. My definitions have absolutely no relevance to the law, or what the case stands for. These are not mnemonic devices and will not help you (or me) in any way. I'm just trying to liven up the day. Bonus points if you actually know what any of these cases are about. 'Cause I don't.

P.S. I thought this would turn out funnier before I started writing it. My bad. Although towards the end I get a little punchy, so don't give up if the first few have you rolling your eyes.

Dagenhart = German for "Valentine's Day." Also a popular German frozen yogurt manufacturer. The raspberry flavor is especially tasty.

Hodel = The sound that people who can't yodel make when they try to yodel and fail miserably. Also the place where Scandanavian homeless people live.

Yakus = An eskimo festival, usually involving seals and ice skating. Or ice skating seals.

Bendix = What's left of the pencil eraser after you've fallen prey to the compulsion to rip most of it off the end of the pencil.

Schenck = To throw dirty dinner plates across the room hoping they'll land in the sink without shattering into a million pieces. Seems like it would usually be pretty unsuccessful.

Beauharnais = The ritual I assume is practiced by upper-class families of taking one's spouse-to-be on a horse ride with the rest of the family, on some large estate in the country. Like that scene in the movie "Stepmom" involving horse riding. Yes, I've seen the movie "Stepmom."

Gertz = To trip over the sidewalk for no apparent reason (as in, "I'm glad no one saw me when I Gertzed, because I looked pretty stupid.")

Hudnut = [definition has been deemed too offensive to appear here -- use your imagination]

Chaplinsky = The guy who presides over a Russian funeral.

Posadas = Taco Bell's new healthy offering, involving no cheese, no sour cream, no meat, and no shell. Tomatoes and lettuce, wrapped in a piece of newspaper.

Tornillo = Taco Bell's new unhealthy offering, involving extra cheese, extra sour cream, a dollop of lard, three pounds of beef in every bite, and a deep-fried chocolate-covered candy shell. Very popular, actually.

Red Lion = Taco Bell's new beverage offering, basically iced coffee with guacamole.

Lyng = The piece of vomit that hangs from your mouth after you throw up upon eating any of the new Taco Bell offerings described above.

Yick Wo = My reaction when I see my Con Law grade, as in "Yick! Wo...."

Wing Wong = The sound of me hurling off the roof after I see my Con Law grade.

Zablocki = The sound of me hitting the pavement after the Yick Wo and the Wing Wong.