Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Friday, January 23, 2004

Excerpts from the most recent speeches by various public and private figures.

One of the people being sued by the RIAA:
I'm gonna share my Britney Spears album, and my Fifty Cent album, and my Eminem album, and my album of Broadway showtunes, and my Yodeling's Greatest Hits... and then I'm gonna download every Barry Manilow song I can find! Yeaaaaaaagh!
Pete Rose:
I'm gonna bet on baseball, I'm gonna lie about it, I'm gonna lie some more, I'm gonna lie a little bit more... and then I'm gonna write a book saying oops I lied and you should put me in the Hall of Fame! Yeaaaaaaagh!
Constitutional Law Professor:
I'm gonna teach the first amendment, then the second amendment, the commerce clause, due process, affirmative action, euthanasia, death penalty... and then I'm gonna burn a copy of the Constitution right here on the steps of the library! Yeaaaaaaagh!
Man on prison work-release program:
I'm gonna clean up trash on the highway, and in the park, and by the schoolyard, and in the parking lot, and at the town square... and then I'm gonna take all that trash and put it in the dumpster! Yeaaaaaaagh!
Airline passenger:
I'm gonna take off my shoes, and then I'm gonna take off my belt, and then I'm gonna let them unpack my suitcase... and then I'm gonna tell them I bought my luggage this morning from a strange man outside the airport and I can hear it ticking! Yeaaaaaaagh!
I'm gonna eat another cow's brains, and then I'm gonna eat his intestines, and then I'm gonna eat some more... and then I'm gonna get myself into an American meat distributor and infect the whole country! Yeaaaaaaagh!