Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

No classes until Monday, giving us time to recharge after a grueling three weeks of class. :) They baby students. Always all of these weeks off, and a whole summer -- and WEEKENDS! Imagine if you told a working lawyer he didn't have to work WEEKENDS! But law students? Not a single class! And no classes after dinnertime, and no classes that run all night, and no classes where the professor calls you on your cell phone right when you're leaving and asks you if you've finished up the memo.... Yeah, we law students have it pretty easy.

I thought I'd dip into the e-mail-bag and answer some questions from 1Ls I'm completely inventing, because the number of real 1Ls who've e-mailed me with real questions I can count on two or three hands, and none of them that too recently. Anyway:

"Dear Jeremy. I just got my grades and they're really bad. Should I have my mom call my professors and tell them how smart I am?"

No, that's probably a bad idea. It was probably a bad idea when she did that in college too. Heck, it was probably a bad idea in fifth grade when she called that kid's parents after he beat you up in the schoolyard. Because you just got picked on more, right? Yeah, it's not a good idea. You should just relax. Bad grades only mean you did badly on the exam, not that you're a bad person. I mean, you might be a bad person. But I can't tell just based on your grades.

"Dear Jeremy. I just got my grades and they're awesome. Should I tell everyone I know?"

No, that's probably a bad idea. No one wants to know you did well. If you do badly, everyone wants to know that -- but you don't want to tell them because it's embarrassing. No one wants to feel bad. So don't tell them your grades, and don't ask them how they did. And don't do something stupid like say "I don't want to tell you what I got because I'm worried you'll feel bad," or "I don't want to say but let's just say I'm REALLY happy!" or something else where you think you're being coy but everyone knows what you mean. Just tell everyone you'd rather talk about the weather. Because the weather is a topic of great interest.

"Dear Jeremy. I just got my grades and failed every class. What should I do?"

Cry. I don't know. Go to business school?? Get a job?? Who knows. I don't know how you could fail every class. You figured out how to e-mail me, so at least you're smart enough to pass legal writing. I don't know. Tell them you have a learning disability. Who knows.

"Dear Jeremy. I just lost the New Hampshire primary. What should I do?"

Well, whatever you do, don't give a crazy speech where you name all the states and then scream like a mental patient. Don't do that. Again. Howard, don't do that again. It's not good.