Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

The Category Is: "Things Simon Cowell would say if the show was called Judicial Idol and it was about lawyering instead of singing"

1. "After that performance, I'd declare a mistrial."
2. "That would make a jury die."
3. "Your arguments are worse than the moral argument in favor of the Dred Scott decision."
4. "Watching you is like watching Johnnie Cochrane put a glove on O.J. Simpson's hand."
5. "I think the court sketch artist just drew a picture of hell."
6. "I hope you're not getting paid on contingency."
7. "I bet they needed to recalibrate the bar exam after you took it, because your score was mathematically impossibly low."
8. "You should be held in contempt."
9. "Bailiff, take him away!"
10. "Will everybody please rise? And leave, immediately, after that disgraceful performance."