Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

A good April Fools Day gag for a weblog would be to post a long and melodramatic account of why circumstances beyond his or her control have forced the blog to end, and perhaps go into gory detail about these circumstances, which would no doubt involve a distant cousin, a fire, an unfortunate slip-and-fall, a rusty nail, a case of mistaken identity, and some instant Quaker oatmeal, bringing readers to tears only to realize it's April 1st. I don't feel like writing that post, so instead you'll have to survive on imagination alone.

Exam questions if exams were given on April Fools Day might be a fun post. Kind of predictable though. Long fact patterns, confusing ambiguities, how much could I really do with that?

Maybe a hoax about a news article. Hard to do because of the linking, but maybe if I liberally "quote" from something, no one will bother to realize the link is a fake:

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) -- Yesterday, on the steps of the Supreme Court, Chief Justice William Rehnquist got down on one knee and proposed to Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Despite each of them already being married, and despite that due to Rehnquist's advanced age, once he got down on one knee he needed medical assistance to get back up, the wedding is expected to occur next Thursday in the Rose Garden. Because they are both Justices, they can override the usual laws about bigamy, as well as the usual blood test requirements, since taking any blood from either of them would cause the stock market to collapse for no apparent reason other than to finish this sentence. Justice Antonin Scalia remarked, "I am so happy for Sandy and Bill. May they make many children together, despite their advanced age." Clarence Thomas will reportedly supply cans of soda for the guests; Orrin Hatch will provide the musical entertainment; Strom Thurmond will regretfully be unable to attend due to his recent death.
See, that wouldn't be very believable. Perhaps if I wrote about something obscure enough, no one would doubt it. Like this fake-linked article:

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Yesterday, the New York state legislature passed a law banning beavers from urinating within 40 feet of a lamppost or within 30 feet of another beaver, except on Wednesdays, when antelopes aren't allowed to cough...
But I don't even know what I was trying to do there. Let me sleep on it, and see if I get any better April Fools ideas in the morning. Hope everyone's pranks are successful and none of my readers end up in jail.

WAIT! I've got it! The perfect concept, that I won't be able to execute to its fullest potential!

Top Ten Pranks To Pull In Class On April Fools Day

1. Write mean things about your classmates on the chalkboard before class, but before they show up... ERASE THEM!
2. Leave to go to the bathroom... BUT GO CHECK YOUR E-MAIL INSTEAD!
3. Raise your hand, and then when the professor calls on you... PRETEND YOU WERE JUST SCRATCHING YOUR HEAD!
4. Instead of sitting in your assigned seat... MOVE ONE SEAT TO THE LEFT!
5. Spend the whole class looking like you're typing your notes... BUT NEVER TURN THE COMPUTER ON!
6. Bring the right casebook... TO THE WRONG CLASS!
7. Don't do the reading... UNLESS YOU'RE ON PANEL!
8. Replace the professor's white chalk with a piece of... COLORED CHALK!
9. Show up to class... THREE AND A HALF MINUTES LATE!