I'm going to take advantage of all of this traffic Brian Leiter has been sending me over the last 24 hours or so, and write a song parody about one of his favorite topics, the U.S. News Law School Rankings.

"It's Still Number Twelve To Me" (to the tune of Billy Joel's "It's Still Rock And Roll To Me")

What's the matter with the kids I'm taking
Are the scores that they have too low?
Should I try to hire one more teacher
'Cause we're moving up the ranks too slow?
How to raise the judges' score they're assessing,
Is hard because the judges aren't doing more than guessing,
Everybody's talking 'bout the new Dean, honey
But it's still number twelve to me.

What's the matter with the Bar/Bri sales rep
Can't we get one who'll make them pay?
I don't want the rate to fall any further
'Cause alumni call me up and say:
"I saw the latest U.S. News says we're dropping,
The check that I just sent you: payment I am stopping"
New prof, new dorm, but Dean was caught with kiddie porn
It's still number twelve to me

Oh, it doesn't matter what they say in the papers
Cause it's only US News that they read
If there's a new list in town
People gather all around
All the anxious feelings numbers can feed
As if one school has to be in the lead...

How about we take a few less students?
Our rates'll fall and ranking will rise
How about we fudge the job percentage?
How'll they know if our report's filled with lies?
Why did number four become number seven?
Do we have a hope of rising one to be eleven?
New books, new course, cafeteria's serving horse
But it's still number twelve to me.