Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

It's request day. Scroll down for more.

Request #4: "I request 20 Questions with the Harvard Law School Ice Rink." That sounds like fun; I can do that.

20 Questions with the Harvard Law School Ice Rink

1. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me. Was it hard to fit me into your schedule?

No. I'm an ice rink, and it's spring. I've melted. There really isn't much else on my plate. Besides water.

2. What did it feel like to finally get that promotion from little cubes in people's drinks to an ice rink at the world's most prestigious law school?

It felt good. I'd been working hard for this chance for a while. When the Titanic hit my cousin, I was kind of jealous of all the publicity he got, but, as they say, eventually my ship came in as well. And now, I'm the most famous ice rink at any Ivy League law school in the nation. It's quite an honor.

3. How do you feel about the new law clerk hiring plan?

Oh, I don't know much about law clerks. I'm just an ice rink. You're better off asking Howard Bashman or someone like that. Sorry.

4. Who's your favorite skater to have ever skated on top of you?

That would probably have to be the law school dean, since she got off very quickly after the promotional photographs were taken. Lovely woman.

5. Proudest moment?

Killing all the grass underneath me. It was a triumph for ice everywhere.

6. Worst moment?

When they destroyed me after I started to melt. Give an ice rink a break, okay? It was hot, I was sweaty, what do you want me to do? I tried my hardest, but apparently my hardest wasn't good enough for Harvard Law School.

7. You've already said you worked hard to earn the promotion from ice cubes to ice rink, but what was the hiring process like? Was it competitive?

Absolutely. It started off back in college, when I knew that if I wanted to be an ice rink at an Ivy League law school I would need to keep my temperature down and do well on the IRAT (Ice Rink Aptitude Test). I scored a 174, which was 99th percentile, and that was enough to put me in the mix. I submitted my application, including a photo professionally done after a trip to the Zamboni Salon, and a few months later I got the big envelope in the mail. It was an exciting day.

8. How did your family feel?

They were speechless.

9. How about your husband?

He was frozen in place.

10. Your kids?

They were a little cold.

11. Really? Why?

They knew we'd have to move to Cambridge. And they weren't looking forward to the weather. Way too warm. 6 months a year of sunshine and tolerable temperatures. It's just not wicked nasty enough.

12. I see you've picked up some of the lingo. "Wicked"? Have you also become a Red Sox fan?

Oh, no, baseball's not my sport. I'm a huge hockey fan, though. Love them New York Islanders.

13. The Islanders? Really?

Sure. Been a big fan for years. Usually I do a guest stint when their rink gets a fever a few times a year.

14. What's next for you, now that you've been melted down and destroyed?

Well, I'm capitalizing on my notoriety and going on a world tour with the Ice Capades, followed by a stint as guest judge on American Idol.

15. Hmmm. How exactly will that work?

I don't know, but they promised me I wouldn't have to appear with that insipid Simon Cowell. I hate the British. They're more fans of the rain than the ice, I think.

16. What do you like to do in your spare time?

Listen to music.

17. Your favorite artist?

Vanilla Ice, of course.

18. If you could have three people, living or dead, skate on you, who would they be?

Tinkerbell, Eddie Gaedel [a 4' baseball player who appeared once for the St. Louis Cardinals as a pinch hitter, wearing the number 1/8], and Gary Coleman.

19. Why??

They're all small. Big people hurt me when they fall.

20. I understand. Any last words for my readers?


Thanks to the Harvard Law School Ice Rink for talking the time to me. It is appreciated. You can check out the Ice Rink's blog at No, you can't.