Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Renovated bathroom to be re-renovated

Responding to student complaints that the nicest facility on campus is the recently-renovated Pound Hall bathroom, the Committee on Superfluous Renovations issued a press release this week announcing that the bathroom will be re-renovated over the summer to make it look like every other bathroom on campus, dirty and old. “Last summer, we made the decision that if we could turn just one room on campus into a facility worthy of the most prestigious university on the planet,” read the press release, “it should be a bathroom. In retrospect, perhaps it should have been a storage room. Whoops.”

Law school bookstore amends study guide returns policy: “You Look, You Buy”

The law school bookstore, long troubled by the problem of students attempting to return study guides and other supplementary materials that all other bookstores on the planet have no problem at all taking back, has decided to amend its already-retributivist “no returns” policy. The new policy, according to the troll who lives under the bridge and runs the bookstore in his spare time, “is pretty easy to understand. If we catch you looking at a study guide, you buy it. If you go so far as to actually touch it, you buy two. No questions asked. We’ve actually been enforcing this policy for a few weeks now, by automatically debiting the amounts off of student accounts.” In response to a question about students browsing for the right study guide, and perhaps making eye contact with a dozen or two before finding the right one, the troll replied, “Yes, well, then you buy them all. This really isn’t very difficult at all to understand.”

The bookstore also announced a new buy-back policy for used books. It will now pay nothing at all. This is considered to be only a marginal change from the old policy. “We’re providing a great service simply by storing the books for students,” the troll said. “They should pay us. In fact, we’ll be starting that policy next year, when we also charge students a fee to enter the store, regardless of whether they buy anything.”