Earlier in the week I mentioned the elevator entertainment -- the video screen with scrolling news, sports, weather, and more for people with attention deficit disorder who can't go unstimulated for 45 seconds. What I didn't mention yet is that each day there's a "word of the day" on the screen. On Thursday, the word was "defenestrate" -- to throw someone out of a window. I think someone at the elevator-screen company has a sense of humor. Here we are, in an elevator heading up a 50-story building -- and you've got to assume a building's gotta be pretty tall for them to bother paying for this system -- and the "word of the day" means throwing someone out a window? I'm just about on the fortieth floor! This is not what I want to be thinking about on my elevator ride! I'm waiting for next week's words -- blackout, terrorism, nerve gas, anthrax, and random shooting. These are not things I want to think about while I'm trapped inside a tall building. Sorry. And with that...

"Thirty-Third Floor, Please"

[Two older women get on an elevator. There's a video screen in the elevator. RUTH stands near the buttons. SARA stands on the other side.]

SARA
Can you press 33 for me?

RUTH
Sure. I'm on 31. You work for the law firm?

SARA
Yeah. You work for the consulting firm?

RUTH
Yeah. I'm Ruth.

SARA
What? Sorry, I was distracted by the screen. 13 children dead in a licorice accident. It's quite a tragedy.

RUTH
Oh, the screen. Yes, it's quite something.

SARA
Isn't technology amazing. They've even got the weather. Apparently it's 62 on the ground, but 59 up where we are. Well, 59 on 33. Maybe it's 60 on 31. I don't know.

RUTH
I hate the screen.

SARA
What? Sorry. The Dow is up 14 and a half. It was only up 14 and a quarter when we got on. Banner day on Wall Street.

RUTH
I had all my money in tech stocks. Lost a bundle. Good thing my husband left me a nice chunk of change after the sponge cake accident.

SARA
What? Sorry. The word of the day is chlamydia. That's interesting.

RUTH
My daughter has that.

SARA
Your daughter? What floor does she work on?

RUTH
She doesn't work here. She lives in Idaho. She's a seamstress.

SARA
What? Sorry. Betty White turns 79 today. I loved her in that chicken commercial.

RUTH
This isn't much of a conversation. You keep distracted by the screen.

SARA
Sorry. What? I'm distracted by the screen.

RUTH
Yes, that's what I said.

SARA
The dollar's down against the Yen. Shocking news from the world markets.

RUTH
The elevator's slow today.

SARA
Time flies when you read the screen. And look -- the animal of the day is the salamander. I love salamanders. They're so cute.

RUTH
Is everyone on 33 as friendly as you?

SARA
What? Sorry. The latest poll shows kidney beans are twice as popular as chick peas. I never would have guessed.

[The elevator rings. RUTH gets out.]

RUTH
Have a good day.

SARA
What? Sorry. Milk can feel pain. Fascinating.

{Blackout.}