Real Conversation I Had With Woman At Sprint Store This Afternoon

Me: My phone battery has been holding its charge less and less lately. I think I may need a new one.
Her: Is your phone under warranty?
Me: I don't know.
Her: How old is it?
Me: Maybe a year and a half.
Her: The warranties are usually only one year. So we'll say it's not.
Me: Can you check?
Her: [audible sigh] What's your phone number?
Me: [phone number]
Her: No, it's 2002. That's 2 years ago. It's not under warranty.
Me: Okay...
Her: If it was under warranty, we could test the battery and see if that's the problem. Since it's not under warranty, we won't.
Me: So how do I know if I need a new battery?
Her: I'm not a technician.
Me: Okay... so how do I know if I need a new battery?
Her: If it was under warranty, we would test it.
Me: Okay...
Her: Batteries for that phone are $60.
Me: That's more than the phone cost.
Her: That's what the battery costs.
Me: Is it cheaper to get a new phone then?
Her: Do you want a battery or a phone?
Me: I've had the phone for 2 years I guess. Is there a point at which I can a rebate on a new one?
Her: I'm not a technician.
Me: Okay...
Her: Let me see if we have any of the batteries in stock. [she goes away and comes back almost instantly with a battery] Here. It's $60.
Me: Are the batteries cheaper elsewhere?
Her: How would I know?
Me: Is there any way to know if it's the battery that's the problem, and if I replace the battery it'll hold the charge longer?
Her: If it was under warranty we would test the battery.
Me: But you won't test the battery now, even though I would buy a new battery.
Her: Right.
Me: Do you think it's the battery?
Her: I'm not a technician.
Me: Okay.
Her: Do you need anything else?
Me: I think I'm going to wait, and see if I can get the battery cheaper elsewhere.
Her: Thank you for shopping at Sprint.

Bizarre.