"Toothpaste" --- EDITED SUNDAY NIGHT --- THIS IS A REWRITE --- ANY FEEDBACK WELCOMED

(OPEN ON: 6-YEAR-OLD BOY IN BATHROOM, STARING ANGRILY AT HIS TOOTHBRUSH)

BOY
Mom! This toothpaste tastes awful.

NARRATOR
A parent’s hardest job is making sure her kid doesn’t die. But her second hardest is getting him to brush his teeth. But not anymore.

(MOM ENTERS, CARRYING TWO TUBES)

MOM
Try this!

(SHE HANDS HIM A TUBE. HE READS THE LABEL.)

BOY
(SOUNDING IT OUT, CONFUSED) Krazy glue?

MOM
Oops. Wrong one.

(SHE HANDS HIM THE OTHER TUBE)

BOY
Willy Wonka toothpaste? Cool!

(HE SQUEEZES SOME TOOTHPASTE ONTO HIS TOOTHBRUSH. IT’S BROWN. HE STARTS TO BRUSH.)

BOY
(WITH A MOUTH FULL OF TOOTHPASTE) This tastes just like chocolate pudding!

NARRATOR
That's right. It tastes like chocolate pudding -- because it IS chocolate pudding.

MOM
A toothpaste made of chocolate pudding? Is that good for my son’s teeth?

NARRATOR
Of course not. Here’s a computer simulation.

(ANIMATED COMPUTER SIMULATION BEGINS.)

NARRATOR
Ordinary toothpaste keeps teeth white and shiny. (THE ANIMATED TOOTH SPARKLES) Our toothpaste turns them brown, and then they fall out. (THE ANIMATED TOOTH TURNS BROWN AND FALLS OUT) But it tastes great!

MOM
And that’s what’s important!

NARRATOR
Exactly!

(THE BOY IS GULPING TOOTHPASTE DIRECTLY FROM THE TUBE. A CLOSEUP INDICATES THE TOOTHPASTE ISN’T SOLID BROWN, BUT HAS A TAN STRIPE)

MOM
Is the tan stripe a whitening gel?

NARRATOR
No, it’s caramel.

BOY
(MOUTH FULL OF PUDDING) This is the best toothpaste ever!

NARRATOR
That’s right. Because it’s all natural. Other toothpaste manufacturers use chemicals with long names no one can understand. Tetrasodium pyrophosphate? Sodium lauryl sulfate? Fluoride? We just use sugar, chocolate, and flour.

MOM
Flour has some of the same letters as fluoride.

NARRATOR
Exactly!

(BOY IS TRYING TO RINSE THE TOOTHPASTE CLEAN, BUT HE CAN’T)

BOY
I can’t get it off.

NARRATOR
That’s because you’re rinsing with water. Willy Wonka toothpaste goes better with milk.

(MOM HEADS TO THE KITCHEN. THE CAMERA FOLLOWS HER. SHE OPENS THE REFRIGERATOR TO GET SOME MILK.)

NARRATOR
While you’re in the kitchen – I should tell you that Willy Wonka toothpaste contains baking powder.

MOM
Baking SODA?

NARRATOR
No, baking powder. Check this out. Just squeeze out drops of our toothpaste onto a baking sheet –-

(MOM GETS OUT A BAKING SHEET AND DOES AS TOLD)

NARRATOR
-- stick it in the oven (SHE DOES), and twenty minutes later (THE OVEN BELL DINGS), you’ve got brownies (SHE TAKES BROWNIES OUT OF THE OVEN).

MOM
Wow! That’s convenient. But what do dentists think about Willy Wonka toothpaste?

NARRATOR
They think we’re evil. But –-

MOM & NARRATOR
It tastes great! (THEY LAUGH)

BOY (O.S.)
Mom! I need more toothpaste!

NARRATOR
Willy Wonka toothpaste. Won’t clean your teeth, but it tastes great. Now in snack size.

(JINGLE PLAYS: Willy Wonka Toothpaste... CAVI-TY-LICIOUS!)