"Do you have time for a project? I'd like you to draft some contract language for me."
"Sure. You know I've never drafted any contract language before, right?"
"Yeah, but this shouldn't be too bad."
"Okay. What's the client number?"
"It's not for a client. It's for me. I'm selling my kids."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm selling my kids. No time to deal with them."
"Oh."
"So why don't you draft something and then bring it by my office, okay?"
"Okay, great. I'll come by when I've got something."

THIS AGREEMENT is made this 25th of July, 2004 between Law Firm Partner ("Seller") and Innocent Bystander ("Buyer").

1. SALE OF GOODS

Seller shall sell to Buyer the goods described in Exhibit A, attached hereto and incorporated herein by this reference (the "Goods"). The Goods shall consist of three children, ages 12, 9, and 6 (or 5. I forget), named "Morgan," "Brittany," and "[to be filled in later, when wife reminds me]," respectively.

2. DELIVERY

Delivery of the Goods shall be made at the rate of one child each month on the 1st day of August, September, and October of 2004. Delivery of the Goods by Seller to the carrier at the point of shipment shall constitute delivery to Buyer, subject to the lien of Seller for the unpaid purchase price. Seller shall not be liable for any failure to deliver if the failure is occasioned by fire, embargo, strike, temper tantrum, disease, mental or emotional impairment or any other circumstances beyond the control of the Seller which shall hinder Seller's performance of this Agreement.

3. PAYMENT

Buyer shall be responsible to Seller for any loss or damage to Seller by reason of any failure or default on the part of Buyer to obtain the love of the three children, and follow all laws in connection with the State of New York as regard the treatment of children. Also, Seller will not pay for private school, ballet lessons, or a puppy.

4. TAXES

All taxes, duties, imposts, fees or charges of any governmental body, however, denominated ("Taxes") shall be added to the purchase price for the Goods and paid by Buyer.

5. SPECIFICATIONS AND WARRANTIES

The Goods shall conform to the specifications set forth in Exhibit A. SELLER MAKES NO OTHER WARRANTIES TO BUYER, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AND HEREBY EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ANY WARRANTY OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, INCLUDING CLEANING HIS/HER ROOM OR TAKING OUT THE TRASH.

6. REMEDIES OF BUYER UPON SELLER'S DEFAULT

Seller shall, without limitation, be in default of this Agreement if Seller shall feel guilty about the transaction and attempt to cancel, or if Seller's wife finds out and stops these shenanigans. Seller shall not be in default for nonperformance due to fire, natural disaster, acts or defaults of common carriers, divorce, or other cause beyond the reasonable control of Seller.

7. REMEDIES OF SELLER UPON BUYER'S DEFAULT

Buyer shall, without limitation, be in default of this Agreement if Buyer shall fail to make any payment to Seller when due under this or any other agreement between Buyer and Seller; but the Buyer shall not be in default if the children destroy his house and stain the furniture.

8. INTEGRATION OF AGREEMENTS

This Agreement is the entire contract between the parties with respect to the subject matter hereof and supersedes all prior agreements and negotiations between them.

(Signatures of the parties)

EXHIBIT A

Child 1: MORGAN, Male, 12 years old. Wears clothing only from Armani Kids and enjoys his hamburgers medium rare and filled with foie gras and black truffles. Likes polo. Drinks gin. Once shot another boy to death just to watch him die. Collects designer neckwear. Is not toilet trained.

Child 2: BRITTANY, Female, 9 years old. Is currently three months pregnant. Training to be anorexic. Aspires to dance in Rockefeller Center. Rockefeller Center has been reserved for her to dance in next Tuesday. Enjoys yachting and microbrewery. Only wears diamonds larger than one carat.

Child 3: [Name to filled in later], Male (I think), 5 or 6 years old. Emotionally attached to a bath towel. Eats only caviar. Receiving private skating lessons from Wayne Gretzky each Wednesday at 2. Tennis instruction from Jim Courier Tuesdays at 4. Sommelier training Thursdays at 6. Enjoys foreign travel, roulette, and ordering around the help.