The Major League Baseball All-Star Game is this Tuesday. To make the game more fun, allow me to present:

The All-Star Game Drinking Game

One drink for every time a new player enters the game.

One drink for every time a product is mentioned as the official [whatever] of Major League Baseball (e.g. "Depends is the official adult undergarment of Major League Baseball.")

One drink for every human interest clip of a first-time All-Star walking around with a digital camera recording every moment of this "once in a lifetime magical experience." Another drink if they show his wife and kids. A third drink if they show his parents.

One drink for every time they show a child in the crowd eating cotton candy, waving a foam finger, or sleeping on his father's lap. Another drink if it's twins. A third drink if they're wearing matching baseball-themed outfits. A fourth drink if they're vomiting.

Two drinks for every time the announcers mention another record Barry Bonds has recently broken.

Two drinks for every time they show a replay of Derek Jeter diving headfirst into the stands to catch a foul ball.

Two drinks for every Mastercard "Priceless" commercial.

Two drinks for every time Tim McCarver makes a highbrow literary reference the other announcers don't understand.

Two drinks for every inarticulate interview clip where a player says something about being "honored to represent his country in the All-Star Game." Two more drinks if they wave a miniature flag while they say it.

Three drinks for every time Roger Clemens throws something at Mike Piazza within the context of the game (e.g. the ball, when he's pitching)

Four drinks for every time Roger Clemens throws something at Mike Piazza outside the context of the game (e.g. the watercooler)

Five drinks for every time the Commissioner calls the game a tie and ends it because he's worried that there aren't enough pitchers left.