Twenty-Five Things I Didn't Do At Work Today

1. Write a brief
2. Donate money to Ralph Nader
3. Milk a goat
4. Overdose on morphine
5. Pee in the elevator
6. Forge a signature
7. Surf in the bathroom sink
8. Slide down the stairway bannister
9. Make guacamole from scratch
10. Do a Westlaw search
11. Install new carpet
12. Eat the entire muffin I took from the Attorney Lounge
13. Ride a unicorn
14. Perform the Heimlich maneuver on a partner
15. Read a treatise
16. Change a fluorescent light bulb
17. Order pizza
18. Take a deposition from a werewolf
19. Disassemble a computer
20. Get someone fired
21. Escape to safety using the emergency staircase
22. Disconnect a conference call
23. Expose myself to my secretary
24. Bark like a dog
25. Earn my salary