100 Law Students You Don't Want To Be

1. The one who failed Legal Writing
2. The one with the most Lexis points
3. The one whose mom called the professor to complain about his grade
4. The one who started that rumor that got that guy expelled
5. The one who everyone knows doesn't wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom
6. The one who already has a clerkship lined up, 3 years in advance
7. The one who gets way too excited about personal jurisdiction
8. The one who definitely has an eating disorder
9. The one who definitely has lice
10. The one who accidentally set off the fire alarm
11. The one who purposely set off the fire alarm
12. The one who got caught cheating on the final
13. The one who applied for 425 summer jobs and didn't get any offers
14. The one who broke the audiovisual equipment
15. The one who didn't get an offer from his firm
16. The one who took a "law school preparation" class over the summer
17. The one who took three "law school preparation" classes over the summer
18. The one whose laptop makes all that noise
19. The one who we wish the professor would stop calling on
20. The one who the professor has finally stopped calling on
21. The one who ran over the Dean's dog
22. The one who ran over the Dean's dog on purpose
23. The one who didn't really deserve to get in
24. The one who talks way too much
25. The one who brings tuna sandwiches to class every day
26. The one who brings tuna sandwiches to class every day and spits when she talks
27. The one whose cell phone keeps ringing
28. The one who got locked in the bathroom
29. The one who keeps inviting himself to tag along
30. The one who seems like the kind who'd bring a gun to class and start shooting
31. The one who never sleeps
32. The one who sleeps in class
33. The one who can't stop coughing
34. The one who bought the wrong casebooks
35. The one who bought the wrong casebooks, four months in advance and read them all
36. The one who almost died
37. The one who we wish almost died
38. The one with the laser pointer
39. The one who wears the same shirt every day
40. The one who dropped her laptop in the sewer
41. The one who sent that e-mail that got forwarded around to everybody
42. The one who forwarded that e-mail around to everybody
43. The one who never saw that e-mail that got forwarded around to everybody
44. The one who spelled his name wrong on his resume
45. The one who spelled his name wrong on his tattoo
46. The one whose shoes don't match
47. The one who kicked the custodian
48. The one who's already finished her 320-page outline
49. The one whose dad donated the building
50. The religious extremist
51. The one who's always two hours late
52. The one who's always two hours early
53. The one who should have taken her medication this morning
54. The one who we thought was married... oh, she is?
55. The one with the attitude
56. The one who reads all the professor's law review articles, just for fun
57. The one who lied about what page we were up to in the casebook
58. The one who should have brought an umbrella
59. The one who we're sure will fail the bar exam
60. The one who sucks his thumb
61. The one who got arrested
62. The one who lives in the library, figuratively
63. The one who lives in the library, literally
64. The one who *loves* the cafeteria food
65. The one who peed in his pants
66. The one who won't share her notes
67. The one who needs to brush his teeth more often
68. The one who needs to shower more often
69. The one who needs to see a doctor about that
70. The one who saw a doctor about that, but it still didn't help
71. The one who lines up four hours in advance for the professor's office hours
72. The one who used to be a hooker
73. The one who keeps complaining that the room is too cold, so now it's 90 degrees in here
74. The one with the bad haircut
75. The one with the bad toupee
76. The moron
77. The one who can't possibly only be 25
78. The one who can't possibly be a girl
79. The one who the professor hates
80. The one who the professor loves
81. The one who the professor's sleeping with
82. The one who the professor used to be sleeping with until he dumped her
83. The one who had the nervous breakdown
84. The one who asked for another extension
85. The one who's dating that jerk
86. The one who looks pregnant but isn't
87. The one who looks pregnant, and is, but doesn't realize it
88. The one who should be pregnant by now, given the odds
89. The one who asked whether we're allowed to work in groups on the final exam
90. The one who's in the Mafia
91. The one who plays solitaire *all the time*
92. The one who plays solitaire *all the time* and is *terrible* at it
93. The one who plays solitaire *all the time* even when she's not in class
94. The one who missed the course registration deadline
95. The one who didn't realize she needed a blank disk for the exam
96. The one who didn't realize she needed a laptop for the exam
97. The one who didn't realize today was the exam
98. The one who didn't realize we had an exam in that class
99. The one who didn't realize she was in that class
100. The one who didn't realize law school was for people who want to be lawyers