Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Monday, August 02, 2004

TO: All Summer Associates
FROM: Recruiting Department
RE: End of Summer Activities

Summer Associates:

As the summer wraps up, we are pleased to offer you the opportunity of enjoying extra quality time with a selection of partners at the firm, by popular demand. Listed below are five possible activities. Please rank them in order of preference; we will do our best to provide space for everyone at at least one of these events, if not more. Do not feel compelled to thank us for organizing these activities; the smiles on your faces are thanks enough.

A. Gluttony with the "Big Guys" -- the firm's "heavyweights" will join you for an afternoon trip to the Pan-Asian buffet. After lunch, before dinner, maybe you want an afternoon snack. Join them, along with their Blackberries and a pile of contracts to peruse for typographical errors, as you gorge yourself on Dim Sum, week-old fish, and some unidentified brown stuff. Also, Vodka Straight From The Bottle.

B. Midnight Waffles with the Tax Department -- Spend a few extra hours at night doing your work, and then join the Tax Partners at midnight for Waffles, Vodka Straight From The Bottle, and Stimulating Conversation About Changes to the Corporate Tax Provisions in the 2004 Tax Code.

C. Skinny Dipping with the "Old Guard" -- Partners who have been here for at least 30 years will join you for a naked evening in a heated pool. With Vodka Straight From The Bottle, and a bonus trip to the steam room with these men with much to share.

D. Breakfast in a conference room, with people who've been here all night -- Bagels, cream cheese, and Vodka Straight From The Bottle, as partners who haven't slept all night come to share war stories with you, wearing the same clothes from yesterday, and still having documents you can help them revise. Fun for the whole family.

E. Drink 'Til You're Dizzy with the ones who've fallen off the wagon -- Partners who used to be sober, but no longer, will join you for whatever the alcohol fairy can find, including mouthwash, bathroom cleanser, and witch hazel. Also, some huffing from spray paint cans, if you ask nicely. Plus, the chance to draft a 40-page brief, all by yourself, with no guidance at all.

Please let us know as soon as possible which activities you'd like to participate in. Thanks.