Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Twenty Reasons to Drop A Class

1. "I hope you all picked up the casebook and the reading packet. That's going to take us through week two of the class..."
2. "I know the registrar has us down as starting at 8:50 in the morning, but I'm a real morning person, so..."
3. "I hope you've all found your assigned seats. Each day I'll choose one of them at random and place an explosive device underneath. This should keep you awake."
4. "I have three rules in my class. No laptops, and I forgot the other one."
5. "Your exam will take place tomorrow, and it will be comprehensive."
6. "Each of you should plan to be called on at least seventeen times per class, to answer questions I'm confident you won't know the answer to."
7. "I know you may have seen my past course evaluations, but I don't really think there's any way I can do any better than I've done in the past."
8. "They've already told me I'm not getting tenure, and I'm figuring the best way for me to deal with that is to take it out on my students."
9. "Yes, I realize the readings are in German."
10. "The empty seat in the front is for my imaginary friend, Wilbur."
11. "I like to start off each class with a group meditation."
12. "I've never taught this course before, but the Dean thinks that after five or ten years of practice, I'll be almost decent at it."
13. "Each of you will be responsible for a group presentation. You may not collaborate on this project."
14. "This class will be conducted entirely in the nude."
15. "Although the course is only 3 credits, we will actually meet for 6 hours a week and you'll write nine short papers plus two final exams, back-to-back, on Christmas Eve and the following day."
16. "I don't observe daylight savings time. For purposes of this class, you should not either."
17. "My colleagues think I'm crazy for giving so much reading, but I tell them my students are smart enough to handle it."
18. "I apologize in advance for my dissheveled appearance and uncontrollable body odor."
19. "We have a guest lecturer coming next week. He will be speaking for 14 consecutive hours on the Securities Act of 1940."
20. "No one has ever regretted taking my class. Well, no one's ever actually taken my class before. At least not since the incident with the poison dart."