The Big London Wrapup
A. Ten things you ought to do in London:
1. Eat some weird flavored potato chips. Like Marmite, which is not, as it sounds, an insect removal spray.
2. See some cheap theater. But don't go see Cats or Les Miserables, because you can see those on tour in a city near you, and what's the fun of that. Go to the National Theater, because they had cool stuff. Or see something experimental, just for fun.
3. The theater museum was worth it. Even if you don't like museums.
4. Walk the Tower Bridge. Good views. Also the Hungerford Foot Bridge. And London Bridge. And Waterloo Bridge. So many bridges.
5. Observe the traffic crossing signals. Drivers drive fast. Careful.
6. My chicken cutlet sandwich from the food truck at the Portobello Market was really good. And cheap. Almost worth a special trip.
7. Buckingham Palace and the park right near it. Really huge, fat birds. I think animals are neat. Maybe because I'm from New York, and didn't see any live animals growing up. Fat birds. Cool.
8. The food section of Marks & Spencer department store is a fun wander-through, just to see what's the same and what's different. Like these weird "eggs" made of sausage and breadcrumbs that seemed pretty popular.
9. The National Portrait Gallery is another cool museum for the non-museum types. Although it will make you realize how little you know about famous British people.
10. Watch some TV. Neat reality shows.
B. Ten things you ought not to do in London:
1. Change your money in the machines in the airport. They'll rip you off. Use the bank machine by the train station -- don't panic that you won't find one there. It's there. Don't be tempted by the machines.
2. Don't pay full price for theater. There's a half-price booth at Leicester Square. Or, for the smaller shows not at the booth, usually a student discount.
3. Avoid the sweet Indian dishes because they're sickly-sweet. Tikka Masala, I'm looking at you.
4. Don't ride the bus. There was nothing fun about the bus.
5. Spend your change, because if you let it build up, it's going to weigh you down. Because there's no 1-pound bill, those 10s and 20s become coins much more quickly than in America. Very easy to end up with a pocketful of heavy coins.
6. That ferris wheel looked awfully expensive -- more than $20. Is it really worth it? Didn't look like it. And I like ferris wheels more than most people do, I think.
7. TGI Fridays. Subway. Starbucks. McDonalds. Burger King. You're in a foreign country. Don't be stupid. Eat authentic food, not crappy American imports. Give me a break. Same goes for the Gap and Borders. Go to British stores. Otherwise you should've stayed home.
8. Buy the weekend pass on the underground. It's the best deal you're going to find if you'll be going anywhere.
9. Umbrella. You'll need it.
10. Toothpaste. Bring some. They don't sell it in England. (I'm kidding. Please know I'm kidding. Just desperate for a #10, that's all.)
C. My favorite subway station names that I can remember without consulting a map.
1. Embankment. I've already covered this one.
2. Canada Water, not near Canada, and not near Water.
3. Bermondsey. Say it. It's just fun and British-sounding.
4. Paddington. Like the bear.
5. Southwark. Pronounced nothing like it looks.
6. Piccadilly. Again, just a fun word.
7. Leicester Square. That's pronounced, "Lester." Seriously. Go figure.
8. Notting Hill Gate. Like the movie.
9. Margaritaville. Okay, I'm making that one up.
D. Flavors coming soon in Walkers Crisps.
1. Turkey, Cranberry Sauce, Stuffing, and Cabbage Soup
2. Iron Filings
3. Cucumber and Arsenic
4. Lemon Pledge
5. Baby
6. Owl Dropping and Dog Snot
7. Earwax and Gravy
8. Sour Pickle, Sour Milk, and Sour Patch Kid
9. Tartar Sauce, Cream of Tartar, and just plain tooth decay Tartar
10. Chlamydia
A. Ten things you ought to do in London:
1. Eat some weird flavored potato chips. Like Marmite, which is not, as it sounds, an insect removal spray.
2. See some cheap theater. But don't go see Cats or Les Miserables, because you can see those on tour in a city near you, and what's the fun of that. Go to the National Theater, because they had cool stuff. Or see something experimental, just for fun.
3. The theater museum was worth it. Even if you don't like museums.
4. Walk the Tower Bridge. Good views. Also the Hungerford Foot Bridge. And London Bridge. And Waterloo Bridge. So many bridges.
5. Observe the traffic crossing signals. Drivers drive fast. Careful.
6. My chicken cutlet sandwich from the food truck at the Portobello Market was really good. And cheap. Almost worth a special trip.
7. Buckingham Palace and the park right near it. Really huge, fat birds. I think animals are neat. Maybe because I'm from New York, and didn't see any live animals growing up. Fat birds. Cool.
8. The food section of Marks & Spencer department store is a fun wander-through, just to see what's the same and what's different. Like these weird "eggs" made of sausage and breadcrumbs that seemed pretty popular.
9. The National Portrait Gallery is another cool museum for the non-museum types. Although it will make you realize how little you know about famous British people.
10. Watch some TV. Neat reality shows.
B. Ten things you ought not to do in London:
1. Change your money in the machines in the airport. They'll rip you off. Use the bank machine by the train station -- don't panic that you won't find one there. It's there. Don't be tempted by the machines.
2. Don't pay full price for theater. There's a half-price booth at Leicester Square. Or, for the smaller shows not at the booth, usually a student discount.
3. Avoid the sweet Indian dishes because they're sickly-sweet. Tikka Masala, I'm looking at you.
4. Don't ride the bus. There was nothing fun about the bus.
5. Spend your change, because if you let it build up, it's going to weigh you down. Because there's no 1-pound bill, those 10s and 20s become coins much more quickly than in America. Very easy to end up with a pocketful of heavy coins.
6. That ferris wheel looked awfully expensive -- more than $20. Is it really worth it? Didn't look like it. And I like ferris wheels more than most people do, I think.
7. TGI Fridays. Subway. Starbucks. McDonalds. Burger King. You're in a foreign country. Don't be stupid. Eat authentic food, not crappy American imports. Give me a break. Same goes for the Gap and Borders. Go to British stores. Otherwise you should've stayed home.
8. Buy the weekend pass on the underground. It's the best deal you're going to find if you'll be going anywhere.
9. Umbrella. You'll need it.
10. Toothpaste. Bring some. They don't sell it in England. (I'm kidding. Please know I'm kidding. Just desperate for a #10, that's all.)
C. My favorite subway station names that I can remember without consulting a map.
1. Embankment. I've already covered this one.
2. Canada Water, not near Canada, and not near Water.
3. Bermondsey. Say it. It's just fun and British-sounding.
4. Paddington. Like the bear.
5. Southwark. Pronounced nothing like it looks.
6. Piccadilly. Again, just a fun word.
7. Leicester Square. That's pronounced, "Lester." Seriously. Go figure.
8. Notting Hill Gate. Like the movie.
9. Margaritaville. Okay, I'm making that one up.
D. Flavors coming soon in Walkers Crisps.
1. Turkey, Cranberry Sauce, Stuffing, and Cabbage Soup
2. Iron Filings
3. Cucumber and Arsenic
4. Lemon Pledge
5. Baby
6. Owl Dropping and Dog Snot
7. Earwax and Gravy
8. Sour Pickle, Sour Milk, and Sour Patch Kid
9. Tartar Sauce, Cream of Tartar, and just plain tooth decay Tartar
10. Chlamydia
posted by Anonymous @ 9:44 PM
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