Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Monday, November 15, 2004

I came up with a better column for this week. The 2Ls are making their summer firm choices over these few weeks, and I thought I'd provide some guidance... sort of...

As you choose a law firm, remember...

There’s no better place to begin your legal career. Our training program is unmatched in the industry. Our mentoring program is the best in its class. Our lecture series has won awards. We’ll teach you everything you’ll need to know. You won’t be flying solo. We have a culture of collaboration. We have a commitment to cooperation. We have an open-door policy. Our doors are always open. Open doors, in an open floor plan, without a rigid hierarchical structure. You advance at your own pace. We’ll give you as much responsibility as you can handle. You control your path at the firm. There is no face time. You set your own hours. We treat you like the professional you are. There is no billable hours requirement. There is a billable hours target, but it’s only a guideline as to our expectations. It’s more for your benefit than ours. Don’t worry about your hours. We work hard, but we also play hard. It’s more fun than you could ever imagine. It’s all about having fun with the people you work with. It’s all about the people. We have great people. We have top-notch people. The people here are like nowhere else. It’s because of the people that our associates stay and build their career here. You’ll do good work everywhere, but it’s the people that make the difference. You will love the people here.

We’re a leading full-service international law firm with a proven track record for meeting the needs of our clients. Our clients come first. Our clients rely on us for top-notch service. Our work is of the highest quality. You won’t find a place with more interesting cases, more challenging work, or more big-name clients. Our clients are on the front pages of newspapers worldwide. Our work is unparalleled. Our practice is global. Our commitment to excellence is clear. The firm has a history of excellence. The firm has a track record of excellence. Across all of our practice groups, what ties the firm together is our pursuit of excellence. Our practice groups cover a wide range of modern business problems. We’re on the cutting-edge of corporate law. We serve our clients domestically, and around the world. We have offices throughout the world. We have a strong presence in all of the major financial centers. Leaders in business count on us. Our success speaks for itself. We have won major awards for our work. We are constantly winning awards for our work. Our list of awards is substantial and impressive. You will love the people here.

We place a premium on collegiality. We strive to maintain an informal working atmosphere. We are committed to diversity. We treat each other with dignity and respect. We know what really matters in life. We show our appreciation for the hard work of our employees. We offer a health plan unrivaled among our peers. Our benefit package is state of the industry. We encourage our attorneys to use all of their vacation time. We demand our attorneys take vacations. We have a part-time option. We have a flex-time option. We have on-site child care. We provide cars home if you’re working late. We provide meals. We provide coffee. We provide a brand-new laptop. Our information technology services are top-notch. Our word processing center is open twenty-four hours a day. Our client services department is there to meet your every need. Our support staff is magnificent. You will love the people here.

It’s the atmosphere of small firm combined with the resources of a large firm. It’s the congeniality of a small firm combined with the diversity of a large firm. It’s the one-on-one contact you find in a small firm combined with the kinds of cases you can only get at a large firm. It’s the best of both worlds. It’s the best of all worlds. It’s the best, according to a recent survey. It’s never been better. We’re growing at an unbelievable pace. We don’t just grow for the sake of growth. We have a five-year plan. We have a ten-year plan. We have a very careful plan for the firm’s future. Our finances are strong. Our client base is stronger than it’s ever been. Our partnership is among the strongest in the industry. We’re rapidly expanding. We’re trying not to expand too quickly. We just bought another floor in the building. The views are amazing. The artwork is unbelievable. The bathrooms are sparkling. The number of places to eat around here is ridiculous. You’re in the best part of the city. There’s so much to see. There are so many things to do. There are so many ways to relax. You will love the people here.

There are plenty of ways for people to get involved. Our firm is run by its people. The people make all the difference. You’ve never seen such a collection of people. I’m constantly amazed by the people here. The people here are amazing. The people here are unbelievable. We strive to find the best and the brightest people we can. Our people are truly special. It sounds like a cliché, but I promise, you will love the people here, you really will.