Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Monday, December 27, 2004

An op-ed piece we're not going to see this week:

If there's one lesson to be learned from the tragedy in Southeast Asia this past weekend, it's that the people in Florida are wimps. At least 25,000 dead from the disaster, as opposed to what in Florida? Maybe 100? And yet all we saw on the news this fall was Florida this, Florida that. "Oooh, it's craaazy down in Florida. We've got floods and, oooh, my car is underwater, and, oooh, my house just fell apart, and, oooh, everything I own in the world is floating away and so is my baby daughter." Give it a rest, Florida. You were just looking for sympathy. Well, you're not gonna get it from me. Take your $42 billion in property damage and go cry to someone else. Letting a hurricane upset you. Weak. Weak, Florida. First you screw up an election, and then you complain about a little rain. Newsflash: it isn't all about you. And that's the big lesson from this week's events: Florida, we just don't care anymore.


And, no, I don't really know what the point of that is. But the idea got a laugh at dinner. My riff on Starbucks' new all-chocolate beverage, the Chantico, which is an acronym that stands for "Coffee's Healthy And Nutritious Taken In Comparison, Okay?" Reaction not so great. Maybe because "Taken In Comparison" is not so English. So you get the fake op-ed instead. And can only imagine the list of ten alternative new Starbucks drinks I was going to try and come up with.


Okay, you don't only have to imagine the list.

1. Pure Caramel
2. Pure Caramel, topped with a coffee swirl. (Call it "Macchiato Reversi"?)
3. Ground Beef Frappucino
4. Foam. All foam.
5. For the holiday season only: Melted candy cane in a cup.
6. Laffy Taffy Latte
7. Milked steam
8. Mud and cotton. For those times you only want to use your coffee as a movie prop.
9. Bacon, egg, and a shot of espresso
10. Diet Coke with Lemon