Yesterday, while working with someone on something completely unrelated, we came across an entire Internet industry I never realized existed: the pay-Eulogy. At EulogySpeeches.com, you can "Get Your Hands On Warm, Loving, and Sentimental Eulogy Speeches In Just 3 1/2 Minutes," as well as learn "What's Proper Etiquette and What's Not -- it's not what you think." Well, that's good, because I would think maybe buying your eulogy is not quite proper etiquette. Guess not. His package includes "Humorous quotes to lighten the mood." Perfect. Right. And it's on sale if you act now! Plus, "If you order by midnight, February 15, 2005 , you'll get 3 FREE Bonus Gifts! These little gems will make your day!" You know, in case you're feeling a little down because you have to deliver a eulogy. Gosh.

The best of what I found, though, is a site called LovingEulogies.com, which sells "Instant EulogiesTM." You can get a eulogy specifically tailored for your:

Mother
Grandmother
Grandfather
Father
Husband
...
Curmudgeon
...
Parent with Alzheimers
Father who Reconciled with Abandoned Family
Co-Worker....and more

Curmudgeon??? But don't take their word for it. Check out some of the customer testimonials:

"That Eulogy was awesome! Everyone said it was PERFECT!"

"The funeral went as well as it could have"

"Thank you for the fast turnaround. I think you did a very fine job in the eulogy. She was my sister but she could be tough to get along with at times."

"your service has freed up hours of time I would have spent today writing my eulogy"

"I will refer others to you." (Because that's a conversation that we have all the time, right? I heard you need someone to write a eulogy for you...)

"It was very, very good. Everyone applauded at the end. It was definitely not a somber affair. It was pretty upbeat." (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)