I was with a friend in a bookstore a little while ago and she was looking at the book, "He's Just Not That Into You," a dating guide for morons, with tips like "He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk" and "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You." Here's a couple more:

"He's Just Not That Into You If He's Hitting You With A Baseball Bat"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He's Locked You In The Basement"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He Keeps Calling You By A Different Name"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He's Your Father"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He's Really Into Your Brother"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He's Michael Jackson"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He's In A Coma"
"He's Just Not That Into You If He'd Rather Clean His Toilet"