Jeremy's Weblog

I recently graduated from Harvard Law School. This is my weblog. It tries to be funny. E-mail me if you like it. For an index of what's lurking in the archives, sorted by category, click here.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

New Saturday Night Live on in 15 minutes. Sad, but watching it may very well be the highlight of my day. I read on a website, a website, that they're going to do a parody of Joe Millionaire. If I was writing a law-school-related parody of Joe Millionaire... [dream sequence music, please]

[Lights up on a beach filled with female law students. And one man. Not a handsome man. Not a rich man. Not a charming man. But a man with a handful of paper.]

MAN: I'm Joe Final-Exam-Answers. And I have the answers to your final exams.

GIRL 1: Ooh! Joe Final-Exam-Answers! I love you!

GIRL 2: I've always dreamed of being with a guy... who had the exam answers. Joe, I can fulfill your every fantasy... if you can tell me how to test for personal jurisdiction.

GIRL 3: Joe, I'm a model. And you have the model answers. It's fate. Fate, I tell ya. Now tell me all about Hanna v. Plumer and how I can test the validity of a Federal Rule... and I'll make a brand new Federal Rule just for you, Joe...

[Another man enters, holding some more papers.]

MAN 2: I'm Joe Offer-Letter-for-Summer-Internship-at-Cravath. And I have a contract here that will pay you... twenty-five hundred dollars a week. [A stagehand whispers something in his ear.] Oh, we just got the Enron account. Three thousand dollars per week!

[The girls all run to the new Joe. Joe Final-Exam-Answers is sad.]

GIRL 1: I've always wanted to give myself to a guy... with an offer letter for a summer internship at Cravath. I'll make you stay up all night long... and not because you're Shepardizing cases. In fact, I'll let you Shepardize *my* case, if you know what I mean.

GIRL 2: You have offer letters for summer internships at Cravath... and I'm not wearing any clothes. It's fate, I tell ya! It's fate!

MAN 1: But I thought you all wanted me! Me! Joe Final-Exam-Answers!


[And, yeah, I know I need an ending...]